Xmas Greetings is an email that you can send if you have simply run out of time and just won't be able to send someone a real Christmas card (or even create an e-card).
In keeping with the theme of this site, it is a funny email. (At least most people will get a "yuk" out of it.)
I know this is a busy season for most people and things like shopping can be very time-consuming (thanks to the crowds). Trying to be creative by designing your own Christmas card will also eat into your schedule. Even authoring an email can infringe on your Christmas festivities.
That's why I designed this email. It is easy for you to be a little creative (by "X'ing" different boxes in the email) and IT IS FAST!
Good luck with your Xmas Greetings.
Here's a Christmas "yuk" for you before you copy the following text:
If the Three Wise Men had been Women instead, here's what would have happened:
They would have asked directions
They would have arrived on time
They would have helped deliver the baby
They would have brought practical gifts
They would have cleaned the stable
They would have made a casserole
AND there would be peace on earth!
Christmas is [ ]exhausting [ ]fast approaching [ ]old-fashioned [ ]one big commercial [ ]filled with love [ ]exasperating [ ]here at last [ ]party time [ ]eating a hole in my wallet [ ]a time for family
And I think it's time to [ ]overdose on turkey [ ]get together [ ]dump the diet [ ]bundle up [ ]pour a big eggnog [ ]head for the beach [ ]declare bankruptcy [ ]avoid the malls [ ]come unglued [ ]pass out [ ]reconnect!
I meant to [ ]send you a card [ ]take out the garbage [ ]avoid the office party [ ]break up the elve's union [ ]read War And Peace backwards [ ]roast a politician instead of a turkey [ ]cure cancer [ ]sell my stocks and retire
But, instead I [ ]got arrested [ ]bought a chartreuse ball cap [ ]hid under the bed [ ]only had time for this email [ ]cleaned my fingernails [ ]joined the circus [ ]took tango lessons [ ]got out my ski mask [ ]washed my gym socks [ ]had a nervous breakdown.
I wish you [ ]the luck of the Irish [ ]best wishes [ ]freedom from fleas [ ]Merry Christmas [ ]good luck in the gene pool [ ]freedom from in-laws [ ]early release [ ]a successful lobotomy.
(These directions are for Outlook Express users but will generally be the same for all email programs.)
Open your email program and click on the "Create Mail" button.
Return to this Xmas Greetings page and highlight the verse above.
Right-click on the highlighted text and click "copy".
Return to your email program and in the box below the subject line; click once to get the cursor in the box and then right-click on the mouse and click "paste" and the text (from above) will be transferred into the body of your email.
Put a CAPITAL "X" in the brackets beside the words or phrases you want to use in your message.
Add your name at the end.
If you are sending this email to an individual, then you will also want to type his/her name at the top.
You may then want to enter a word or two in the "Subject" line. (What's the email about?)
Finally, you must enter your friend's email address and click send. (Hopefully, you can just select their email address from your address book.)
Note: If you are sending out a Xmas Greetings email to more than one person, you may want to enter each person's email address in the "BCC" address line so that nobody knows who else you sent the message to.
Here are some special Christmas carols for people with mental problems that you may not have heard of:
* 1. Schizophrenia --- Do You Hear What I Hear?
* 2. Multiple Personality Disorder --- We Three Kings Disoriented Are
* 3. Dementia --- I Think I'll be Home for Christmas
* 4. Narcissistic --- Hark the Herald Angels Sing About Me
* 5. Manic --- Deck the Halls and Walls and House and Lawn and Streets and Stores and Office and Town and Cars and Buses and Trucks and... Trees and.....
* 6. Paranoid --- Santa Claus is Coming to Town to Get Me
* 7. Borderline Personality Disorder --- Thoughts of Roasting on an Open Fire
* 8. Personality Disorder --- You Better Watch Out, I'm Gonna Cry, I'm Gonna Pout, Maybe I'll Tell You Why
* 9. Attention Deficit Disorder --- Silent night, Holy oooh look at the Froggy - can I have a chocolate, why is France so far away, night
* 10. Obsessive Compulsive Disorder --- Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells
Here's a Xmas greetings verse that you can use on a funny Christmas card (if you have time).
Here's another Christmas card template that you might want to use.
Go to the Greeting Cards page on this site, if you have time. It contains 2 Christmas cards that you might also want to use. (Actually it has the funny verse for 2 Christmas cards - you have to use your own printable or e-cards.)
Click above to go to the Funny Email Messages page and look at other funny emails that you can send.