Funny Signs & Headlines
(from Karen Morgan)

Over the years I've collected many "one-liner" jokes like the funny signs and newspaper headlines that appear on this page. 

When Karen sent me a collection that she had come across, I decided to put them all in one place. As I discover more of them, I'll just add them to this page. 

I think I'll break the page up into the 2 categories for now. (Eventually, the page may become 2 pages, depending on how many other signs and newspaper headlines I come across.)

Anyway, here are the "yuks" to start this Funny Signs page. 


Funny Signs
(Did I Read That Sign Right?)

Funny Signs

In an office building:

TOILET OUT OF ORDER. PLEASE USE FLOOR BELOW.

In a Laundromat:

AUTOMATIC WASHING MACHINES: PLEASE REMOVE ALL YOUR CLOTHES WHEN THE LIGHT GOES OUT.

In a London department store:

BARGAIN BASEMENT UPSTAIRS...

In an office:

WOULD THE PERSON WHO TOOK THE STEP LADDER YESTERDAY PLEASE BRING IT BACK OR FURTHER STEPS WILL BE TAKEN.

In an office:

AFTER TEA BREAK, STAFF SHOULD EMPTY THE TEAPOT AND STAND UPSIDE DOWN ON THE DRAINING BOARD.

Outside a secondhand shop:

WE EXCHANGE ANYTHING - BICYCLES, WASHING MACHINES, ETC. WHY NOT BRING YOUR WIFE ALONG AND GET A WONDERFUL BARGAIN?

Notice in health food shop window:

CLOSED DUE TO ILLNESS...

Spotted in a safari park: (I sure hope so.)

ELEPHANTS, PLEASE STAY IN YOUR CAR.

Seen during a conference:

FOR ANYONE WHO HAS CHILDREN AND DOESN'T KNOW IT, THERE IS A DAY CARE ON THE 1ST FLOOR.

Notice in a farmer's field:

THE FARMER ALLOWS WALKERS TO CROSS THE FIELD FOR FREE, BUT THE BULL CHARGES.

On a repair shop door:

WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING. (PLEASE KNOCK HARD ON THE DOOR - THE BELL DOESN'T WORK.)


Funny Headlines

Man Kills Self Before Shooting Wife and Daughter

(They corrected this the next day!)

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Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says

Really? Ya' think?

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Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers

Now that's taking things a bit far!

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Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over

What a guy!

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Miners Refuse to Work after Death

No-good-for-nothing' lazy so-and-so's!

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Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant

See if that works better than a fair trial!

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War Dims Hope for Peace

I can see where it might have that effect!

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If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile

Ya' think?

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Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures

Who would have thought!

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London Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide

They may be on to something!

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Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges

You mean there's something stronger than duct tape?

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Man Struck By Lightning: Faces Battery Charge

He probably IS the battery charge!

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New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group

Weren't they fat enough?

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Kids Make Nutritious Snacks

Do they taste like chicken?

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Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half

Chainsaw Massacre all over again!

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Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors

Boy, are they tall!

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And the winner is...

Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead

Did I read that right?


Fun Jokes

Click above to return to Fun Jokes and lots more different fun things to make you smile.


- Return To Home Page


Please note that the "What's New?" section below is updated whenever something I think is funny comes along, therefore some of these "New" blogs further down the page may already have been replaced by the time you click on them!

What's New?

  1. Last Kiss - A Singalong "Tragedy" Oldie

    Aug 22, 19 12:00 AM

    Here's a "tear-jerker" from J. Frank Wilson and the Cavaliers - done on my 12-string. Join in. Lyrics are included.

    Read More

  2. The Shape I'm In - A Singalong Song

    Aug 15, 19 12:00 AM

    Here's one from The Band. It doesn't have the organ solo from the original, but it does have the lyrics, so join in.

    Read More

  3. Sing Along To Lawdy Miss Clawdy

    Aug 09, 19 12:00 AM

    Here's a song Elvis sung at the dawn of rock and roll. Lyrics are included, so join in!

    Read More

  4. Sing Along To "You Got What It Takes"

    Jul 11, 19 12:00 AM

    Here's an oldie by The Dave Clark Five. I play it on my 12-string and sing along and you can too because the lyrics are included.

    Read More

  5. Sing This One - My Maria

    Jun 27, 19 12:00 AM

    This one's by B.W. Stevenson. (Maybe his only one?) You might remember it.

    Read More

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